Posts tagged ‘depression’

August 17, 2011

put the internet down. walk away.

it’s time again.

i’ve written elsewhere about the importance of breaking up large chunks of time in order to be productive, and the necessity of divvying up your time between work and play (a la Longstreth). and while there are things that constitute play or relaxation which are actually restful and filling in their own way, being on the internet is not one of them. the freedom that comes with it is staggering, and most of the time we use that freedom to look at gifs, check our facebooks, and refresh the same few websites over and over waiting for new articles to drop.

being online is second nature to most of us. there’s always that moment where you transition from being there for a reason to just being there; you feel your will slide out of you like an IV drip, and you are trapped. just like those mornings where you wake up full of resolve to get up and get going, and then are unable to do anything but roll over for another hour. this should terrify us.

depression, as i understand it, is just this – an interruption, or a freezing. gears grind to a halt, even when there’s nothing wrong per se. your mouth drops open a little bit and then you cannot, for the life of you, move. the world keeps going.

i can envision myself turning into one of those cautionary speakers, all haggard and hunched over with computer back (i am tell you to get off the internet). working at a job where i’m tethered to the computer eight hours a day hasn’t helped, but it’s no excuse for using all that time (when i lack any real work to do) to just sit there staring at the screen. having the luxury of a job that pays me while not requiring my full participation at every moment is a blessing, one that i waste most of the time.

long story short, it’s time again. time to put the internet down for a week or so and see if i can’t get back into the swing of writing fiction. after the high of completing my machine of death story came the inevitable slump. i was all set to start pouring that energy into new stories, and new ideas. and then i just… stopped.